What if My Ex Boyfriend Says He Still Wants to Be Friends? The Answer to This Loaded Question

sad coupleI encourage all of you to share your own personal stories here on the blog and one that I’m seeing a lot is about how to handle an ex boyfriend who wants to stay friends? It’s almost bittersweet, isn’t it? You wish that your ex would just love you again and instead of hearing him tell you he adores you, he says that he wants to be friends. It’s painful. It happened to me a long time ago and my initial gut instinct was to tell him that I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t imagine being “just friends” with a man I was crazy in love with. But if I had to go back and rethink that decision I would have welcomed the platonic friendship with open arms.

Here’s one thing that you always, always, always have to keep in mind when you’re dealing with an ex. He is not seeing the relationship through the same set of eyes that you are. He doesn’t see that shiny, bright light at the end of the tunnel that spells forever and always the same way you do. He isn’t planning on how you two are going to raise a family and what house you’ll live in after you get back together, and get married. No. He’s actually not seeing beyond today. He’s following his heart and right now his heart is telling him that there’s a big gaping hole where you used to be and he wants you back so he can feel less empty. In his mind, the way to make that happen is to be friends with you. He does not see the big picture of a romantic reunion. Nope. All he sees is a way for you to be a part of his life again.

If your ex boyfriend has suggested the idea of you two being platonic friends, embrace that. Run with it and become the very best ex boyfriend wants to be friendsfriend he’s ever had. Hang out with him, joke around with him and keep everything simple and easy. Don’t talk about the break up, don’t try and make him jealous by talking about that really hot guy you met at the gym and don’t, whatever you do, don’t ask him to get back together with you.

Men move through the process of a break up on their own timetable. I can guarantee you that it’s not the same as the timetable you wish you were racing through right now to get back together with him. He needs to feel comfortable about his emotions and the way for him to do that, right now, is to be your friend.

It’s not exactly what you’re looking for but consider the alternative. If you push him away and you don’t take him up on his offer to be friends, he may see that as a final rejection and just remove himself completely from your life.

Give him a chance to prove what a great friend he can be and use this time to show him that you’re a fantastic friend too. It may just be the start of something pretty spectacular.


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2 Comments on What if My Ex Boyfriend Says He Still Wants to Be Friends? The Answer to This Loaded Question

  1. Kim
    December 14, 2013 at 2:38 pm (5 years ago)

    It’s been almost 4 days and I still haven’t heard from him, will I ever?

  2. i want a boyfriend
    January 28, 2014 at 3:24 pm (4 years ago)

    There is a greater tendency to over compensate when you are looking to
    compensate for a perceived fault in any given relationship.
    If your ex boyfriend has always been the type of man who preferred male friends to female friends, you should
    see his reluctance to be your friend as a positive. If so,
    you’re probably frustrated right now and want to know how to make your ex boyfriend
    want you back.