Gillian’s Question of the Week

I get asked numerous questions on a weekly basis all related to ex boyfriends and the difficulties in getting back together. Each scenario is unique as are all the people involved but I thought it would be helpful to share some of the questions here along with my answers. If you have your own question please use the comment section and I’ll respond as quickly as I can. Remember –  he’s your guy – you love him, don’t give up.

If you want to read more about tools to help get him back, this will help.

Question for January 14th, 2014

Question: My ex boyfriend and I are still friends on Facebook. It drives me nuts how he’s always posting happy stuff and saying he’s hanging out with lots of people (hot girls included.) We still message each other and he sometimes likes my posts. I want him back! Do I unfriend him or just ignore him or keep commenting on his wall? Help!

My response: Facebook is not your ally when it comes to getting back the man you adore. It’s more of a foe and here’s why. No good is going to come out of watching your ex boyfriend happily move on with his life. You’re going to feel jealous, depressed, nervous and anxious. There isn’t a filter on what most of us post on Facebook. That’s especially true if you know your ex is watching your every move. You have no clue whether your ex boyfriend is genuinely enjoying himself or whether he’s using Facebook as a tool of manipulation to get you to come back to him. My best advice it to disengage in any friendship on Facebook with him. In other words, defriend him today. This is going to help you in two ways. First, it’s going to ensure you aren’t checking his status updates constantly. Secondly, it sends him a very clear message that you’re not interested in what he’s up to. This may seem cold but it actually can help you get him back. If he thinks you genuinely aren’t going to participate in his Facebook drama, he’s going to worry that you’ve moved on. If he happens to ask you why you two aren’t friends on the social site anymore, just comment that you were cleaning up your friend’s list. Don’t offer more than that. There’s no reason to.

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3 Comments on Gillian’s Question of the Week

  1. aishi
    March 23, 2014 at 10:33 am (4 years ago)

    Hi gillian, hope you are well. my ex broke up with me saying “it didn’t feel right anymore”. About 5 months ago he randomly messaged me saying hi, since then we pretty must speak everyday via text and occasionally over the phone. He says things like ‘love you’ if i’m mad at him but jokingly and occasionally compliments me. He also tries to get me jealous and loves to see a reaction when he talks about another girl. A few days ago he said that he wouldn’t be able to do the whole me and him again. I agreed with him for the sake of it. I noticed he says he would ring back but doesnt, this has happened twice. I asked him why he said hes busy or he forgets. I don’t know what to think on one hand he drops compliments and reads out old messages from when we were together and on the other doesn’t give me time and says he could never get back with me. What do I do?:( i’m confused i haven’t texted him in two days. Please help

    Reply
  2. Anny
    May 1, 2014 at 2:08 pm (3 years ago)

    Hello. Found your website while crying my eyes out. I am so desperate because I dont now what’s next. The story is like that: we’ve been together since 1 year and 9 monthes. When we met he didn’t yet figured out his plans for college. He had recieved a scholarship to a foreign country and he had accepted it. So our relationship has been a long -distanced one. But that hadn’t prevented me, or him, to be crazy about each other. Besides, he come back home for summer. The thing is, we both are very emotional people so we (broken up) many times but each time a kept begging him until he is with me again. That’s worked for me. Also, he has never let me go. He loves (or loved) me so much he managed to make my father loving him although he didn’t approved of him at first. We promised each other to wait, not let the other go. Litterally, I cant describe how much he means to me, and I am to him so that I am waiting faithfully waiting for him. Untill the last 2 monthes we’ve entered the endless struggle of fights, facebook, whatsapp blocks (from his side) and me being constantly calling, reaching for him untill everything is smooth again and he tells me how much he loves me and misses me. Three days ago, we had this conversation.. he said” I am affraid of dumping you, because I am starting getting bored of you so I am affraid of making you to wait for all the course of my study then wont commiting to you ( we discussed that and he wants to). So be tough to me, don’t chase after me, make me miss you. I was like ok, I’ll try to. But after I’ve proccesed the information I felt that over the course of our relationship I lost my dignity, felt the right thing to do is to let him go and watch if he will come back.. so I decided to talk to him. He was like” no, I don’t want you to think that I was waiting for you to do that and let’s have this conversation after my finals. I told him I can’t live in anxiety that I don’t make you happyand waiting for you to get bored of me. So I love you so much but I let you go. He didn’t agree at first but eventually got mad and hanged off the phone. I blocked him of all the social media so there is no way he can contact me but calling me. This is the first time I willingly give him his space, he is having a struggle being away from home, friends and me and I think his boredome is just his denial that he misses everything. Or it’s just me giving him excuses? I am so affraid of losing him, he means a world to me and want to know if I am risking of losing him by my actions.. Sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language. Waiting for your advice.

    Reply
    • Gillian Reynolds
      May 3, 2014 at 4:34 pm (3 years ago)

      Hi Anny – I think he’s just feeling a lot of confusion. He can’t expect you to wait for weeks or months until he’s done finals to discuss your relationship. That’s unhealthy and unreasonable. You’re doing the right now. Give him his space and see what happens. In life and love, Gillian

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