If you’ve been eagerly searching for an answer to the question of how do you get your man back, you already know that every person has their own answer. Some people will tell you that the best way to win back his heart is to make him seethe with jealousy. Others swear by the idea of writing him a long, apologetic and overly romantic letter professing your undying love and devotion. They both seem like they’d work, don’t they? I’m here to tell you they won’t. They will only prove to be a waste of very precious time.
The number one mistake women make when they are trying to win back their ex boyfriend is they approach the problem from an emotional place. It’s hard not to do this but you have to push those emotions aside and come at this from a purely logical place. As much as your heart is begging for a second chance with the man you adore, you need to let your head take the lead.
The first step you absolutely must take if you have any hope of getting back the man you love is to accept the break up. This is the step I struggled with the most when the man I adored decided he wanted “space.” I fought him tooth and nail over the break up including begging with him to take me back. I called him repeatedly several times a day for weeks and I even sent him flowers trying to get him to see how serious I was about needing him in my life. It was all for naught. He wanted very little to do with me and he even told one of our mutual friends that I was pathetic. That’s when I knew I had to change what I was doing dramatically.
If you can find the internal strength to accept that for now you two are broken up, you’ll give yourself an advantage when it comes to getting him to want to be with you again. The moment you stop trying to get him back, you are silently showing him that you have more self worth than he ever imagined you did. You’re also showing him very clearly that you are going to be fine without him in your life. That realization, by any man, is often enough to push him to want you back again. Men are drawn to those things that are just out of their reach and if your ex boyfriend feels that you fall into that category, he’ll start pulling out all the stops to get you back again.
You’ve also got to stop talking with him once the break up has happened. As much as we all believe that the only real way to win someone back is to convince them by begging and pleading, this doesn’t work. What does work is making that person miss you. You can’t accomplish this if you are constantly trying to contact them. Although it’s hard not to reach out to him you can do it. Plan a busy schedule for yourself so you’re less temped to pick up the phone. Some women find it helpful to enlist the aid of a friend to hang out with or to take a short trip with. Each day that passes, without you contacting him will be another day closer to you two getting back together. Once he feels the void in his life from your absence, you’ll hear from him.
There is a stunning method of getting a man back that is guaranteed to work! Click here to watch a video explaining in detail how to use very specific steps to make your ex boyfriend long to be with you again.
Here is a very compelling video that explains in pointed detail how to use certain, specific psychological triggers to get your ex boyfriend back.
One quick warning before you watch – if you’re not sure you truly want him back, don’t use the approach detailed in the video. It works that well.
Watch it now if you truly want your ex boyfriend back in your arms.
What’s the number one thing you want right at this moment? Okay – besides your ex boyfriend back. You want the man to regret the break up, don’t you? It’s not something you need to be ashamed of. I felt exactly the same way when my guy dumped me. I just wanted him to feel that surge of regret wash over him and I wanted to know that he wished that the break up hadn’t have happened in the first place. In all my missing infinite wisdom I actually thought that if I put on a “show” of sorts and acted all carefree and happy that he’d regret breaking up with me. So I posted all over Facebook about what a great time I was having. I told our mutual friends that I was meeting new people all the time and I made the crucial mistake of saying to one of my ex boyfriend’s closest friends that I was glad the break up happened. My ex must have thought I was a raving lunatic. It took so long for me to undo that damage. You don’t want to make the same mistakes I was making. There is definitely a way to get him to regret the break up and it has nothing to do with pretending your life without him is perfect.
You have to be realistic when you’re working your way through the break up. You’re inevitably going to have some really great days when you feel on top of the world and your emotions and then you’re going to have some awful days when all you really want to do is crawl up into a ball in bed and cry your eyes out. Your ex boyfriend knows this. He’s likely having the same shifts in emotions as you are. Granted, he may not spend much time crying but it’s very possible that he’s cycling through feeling sad, and feeling happy.
The very best thing you can do is to act mature. Your ex boyfriend is expecting you to act a certain way for his benefit. He’s braced himself for the onslaught of tears and anger that he thinks you’re going to throw at him. If you instead talk to him with grace and kindness, that is going to make him stop and think about what’s happened between you two and what he wants to happen in the future.
By handling your emotions and showing your ex boyfriend that you can gracefully manage the break up, he’ll see you as someone to admire. He’ll be in awe of the fact that you aren’t falling into a million pieces on the floor. (Even if you are in private, don’t let him see that.)
Be strong, be brave and always be compassionate when you’re dealing with your boyfriend. You want him to see the best in you even after the relationship has come to a temporary end.
Your ex boyfriend just dropped a bombshell on you. You feel as though your entire world has fallen apart. The man you loved and have been devoted to just announced that he never loved you. Your head is spinning, your heart is beating out of control and you feel overcome with a sick feeling. How could this be true? What about all those times he told you that you meant everything to him? Was he lying? Was he just using you and why has he suddenly decided that now is the right time to tell you that his feelings weren’t real? It’s a lot to absorb and there are no easy answers but luckily there is some insight that will help you better understand why some men say this and what it truly means in terms of your past relationship and whether there is still a chance for you two to rebuild the emotional bond you once had.
If he told you that he loved you when you two were involved, that is most likely the truth. Most men aren’t all that comfortable proclaiming love to a woman so when it happens, you can take comfort in knowing that it’s honest, real and coming directly from his heart.
What happens after a break up is very different. We don’t always recognize that men also go through a whole host of difficult emotions when their relationship ends (even if they were the one who did the breaking up.) As part of their inner process to move past the pain, they may try and convince themselves that they didn’t love their ex girlfriend as much as they claimed to. Obviously, if you’re the ex girlfriend in question, this is going to sting. You begin to feel worthless, used and you question whether wanting a man back who says these things is the best for you.
Give it some time. He’s reeling from the emotional pain he’s in and he’s saying whatever he needs to say to make himself feel better. Although it’s virtually impossible not to take his words personally, you have to really consider where they are coming from. He’s feeling broken and vulnerable and is doing what he can to rid himself of that pain.
Don’t take on the stance of being confrontational when he says he never loved you. Don’t pull out all the old text messages you saved when he said he loved you and don’t push a greeting card in his face that he signed with an I love you. He knows what he’s said in the past. You don’t want to aggravate the situation by trying to prove a point.
Just remember that if the man says he loved you at one time, chances are very good that he did. Pain makes us say things we don’t always mean. Give your ex boyfriend the benefit of the doubt.
If you’re tired of waiting for him to fall back in love, watch this video. It’s going to give you some insight into where his heart and mind is right now and what you can do to pull him back.
I’m a realist. That comes in very handy when we’re dealing with relationship issues. So many women ask me for advice on a daily basis and almost all of that advice centers around an ex boyfriend. I understand this completely because I have also struggled with a break up. I was desperately in love with a man who just walked away from me. He literally walked away – he wouldn’t return my texts, my phone calls to him went unanswered and he refused to see me. He broke up with me in the worst way possible – with silence.
I tried in vain to get him back for weeks. I went so far as to send him flowers. I cringe when I think about that now. I don’t know why I believed that chasing down a man who obviously wanted little to do with me would make him race back into my arms.
Finally, a very wise and kind-hearted friend of mine told me I was making a fool of myself. She was right. She asked me to consider what I would think of any other woman acting the way I was and when I started thinking about it like that, I realized that I was throwing myself at a man who just wasn’t interested in me anymore.
The very next day I made a promise to myself that I’d do everything I possibly could to avoid calling or texting him. I think I got through three or four hours before I sent him a text telling him I missed him. Again, there was no response. That final silence was the breaking point for me and I packed away every momento of the relationship, deleted his contact information from my phone and unfriended him on Facebook. It wasn’t easy, but it was essential for my own self esteem.
Soon after I had lunch with a male friend who had gone through something similar a few months before. He asked me if I was even sure that I could get my ex boyfriend back. At first I didn’t quite understand the question… I hadn’t even considered whether there was a chance to get him back, I just assumed I could make it happen.
The sad reality is that some relationships cannot be saved. If you’re putting all of your emotional and physical energy into trying to get a man back who isn’t ever coming back, you need to stop.
How are you supposed to know whether it’s possible to get him back?
It’s really simple – take this quiz.
These are 10 very telling questions. Answer as honestly as you possibly can. (Don’t answer the way you think you should because you’ll just be cheating yourself.) BE HONEST and answer them from the heart.
Do this before you put any more effort into trying to get him back.
You’ll be glad you did.
On a side note – the ex boyfriend that just disappeared on me, just made me a cup of coffee when I woke up this morning. He brings me flowers once a month and he tells me he loves me every single day. We have two beautiful children and a wonderful future to look forward to.
Getting back together is possible if the chance is there. Take this simple quiz and find out for yourself whether getting him back really is the right thing for you to do.
I encourage all of you to share your own personal stories here on the blog and one that I’m seeing a lot is about how to handle an ex boyfriend who wants to stay friends? It’s almost bittersweet, isn’t it? You wish that your ex would just love you again and instead of hearing him tell you he adores you, he says that he wants to be friends. It’s painful. It happened to me a long time ago and my initial gut instinct was to tell him that I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t imagine being “just friends” with a man I was crazy in love with. But if I had to go back and rethink that decision I would have welcomed the platonic friendship with open arms.
Here’s one thing that you always, always, always have to keep in mind when you’re dealing with an ex. He is not seeing the relationship through the same set of eyes that you are. He doesn’t see that shiny, bright light at the end of the tunnel that spells forever and always the same way you do. He isn’t planning on how you two are going to raise a family and what house you’ll live in after you get back together, and get married. No. He’s actually not seeing beyond today. He’s following his heart and right now his heart is telling him that there’s a big gaping hole where you used to be and he wants you back so he can feel less empty. In his mind, the way to make that happen is to be friends with you. He does not see the big picture of a romantic reunion. Nope. All he sees is a way for you to be a part of his life again.
If your ex boyfriend has suggested the idea of you two being platonic friends, embrace that. Run with it and become the very best friend he’s ever had. Hang out with him, joke around with him and keep everything simple and easy. Don’t talk about the break up, don’t try and make him jealous by talking about that really hot guy you met at the gym and don’t, whatever you do, don’t ask him to get back together with you.
Men move through the process of a break up on their own timetable. I can guarantee you that it’s not the same as the timetable you wish you were racing through right now to get back together with him. He needs to feel comfortable about his emotions and the way for him to do that, right now, is to be your friend.
It’s not exactly what you’re looking for but consider the alternative. If you push him away and you don’t take him up on his offer to be friends, he may see that as a final rejection and just remove himself completely from your life.
Give him a chance to prove what a great friend he can be and use this time to show him that you’re a fantastic friend too. It may just be the start of something pretty spectacular.
By now you know that some of the best advice you’re going to receive after your break up is to completely ignore your ex boyfriend. You’re read about it online, your friends have told you all about how it worked for them and you’re a believer, right? The problem is that you don’t have the willpower to actually pull it off. You want to. Every fiber of your being is trying its best to avoid the man you love, but you just can’t seem to do it. It’s hard. I know from firsthand experience just how hard it is. It’s possible though and it’s highly effective if you do it the right way and for the right amount of time.
The number one mistake women make when they decide they are going to ignore their ex boyfriend in an effort to win back his love is they tell him. They march right up to him and they say something along the lines of, “I’m not going to talk to you for a month,” or “it’s time I started a new life without you,” or the most cringe worthy of all, “you’ll regret leaving me.” These all seem like great things to say to a man right before you cut off contact but you’re just announcing your intentions to him and that’s going to result in him likely not reacting at all to your absence. You can’t tell the man that you’re going to ignore him. You just need to ignore him- no fanfare involved!
Once you’ve actually made the decision to ignore your ex you now need to put that plan into practice which is so much easier said than done. Let’s face it – it’s near impossible to go from sharing your life with a man for weeks or months to not talking to him at all. Things are going to happen that you want to share with him, so you’ll reach for your phone to tell him. You’re going to look at his Facebook wall and see things you want to comment on or you’ll log in as a friend so you can spy on his wall and then you’ll feel the need to message him with a question or comment. It’s natural to want to talk with him, and it’s natural to feel as though you’re going to lose him if you don’t. Those are all emotions every woman in your position has had to balance.
The best advice I can personally offer to you is to jump into something new right after your break up. I’m not talking about a romantic relationship. Don’t do that. I’m talking about volunteering, or breathing life back into a friendship you may have pushed aside when you got hot and heavy with your ex. Maybe you want to take a course in the evenings that will help your career or maybe you just have the urge to paint your apartment or join a new book club or gym. Find something you can be passionate about and then get out there and put everything you have into it. It will take time but your focus is definitely going to shift in time and you’ll feel less and less of a pressing urge to talk to your ex boyfriend.
Once a few weeks to a month has passed it will be time to reintroduce yourself back into your ex boyfriend’s life. This is the most crucial part of your plan to ignore him. If you don’t handle this correctly, all the effort and time you put into avoiding him to this point will be all for naught. Many women reach out to their ex boyfriends after a period of no contact only to say something wrong or to put too much pressure on him and the break up ends up being permanent.
To learn how to press specific emotional triggers within him when you contact him again, watch this very informative video. It will help you handle the situation in the very best way so you’ll soon be back in the arms of the man you adore and your relationship will be one that you’ll both treasure forever.
One of the questions I’m frequently asked by women struggling to get back with an ex boyfriend is how do I actually avoid him during the no contact period? On the surface it seems relatively easy to go a week or two without talking with your ex but in reality it’s almost impossible.
The best way I can explain this to you is to relate to you a story about myself when I was trying desperately to do no contact with my ex boyfriend. We had a very difficult telephone conversation and although he never actually broke up with me – he disappeared off my radar. He stopped calling and texting me and at first I just decided that he was doing it because he needed some time to cool down after our heated telephone call. But then a day and two and three passed and I still hadn’t heard from him. I decided to go looking for him online and soon realized that he was perfectly fine. The man was busy posting up a storm on facebook and twitter all while I struggled with not talking to him. I couldn’t take it so I broke down and called him while I was very upset. He didn’t answer and I left a tearful message. I waited for him to call me back and after a few hours of silence, I finally texted him. He finally called me then and he was distant, indifferent and cold. Within a minute of him answering I realized I had made a horrible mistake. I had given him all the power again – he knew I was desperate to be with him and that gave him all the control in our breakup.
You must do whatever you can to avoid your ex boyfriend for at least two weeks after the break up. This is a MUST –it’s non-negotiable.
Here are a few suggestions that will help you get through this very emotional time:
Ask a close friend to be your break up buddy. Call that person whenever you have the urge to speak to your ex. They can help talk you down and help you see that distance is really your best ally at this point.
Take a trip and get away from everything. If you’ve been saving up vacation time now is the ideal time to get away. Maybe you’ve wanted to visit a family member or a friend in another city or perhaps you’ve been aching to spend a week at the beach. Make some travel plans and do it as soon as possible. The change of scenery is really going to help you avoid your ex and all those triggers that make you long to be with him again.
Volunteer with a needy cause in your city or neighbourhood. Helping others is a fantastic way to push your own troubles aside. If you can do something that is going to enrich the life of another human being you should do that now. It’s going to not only help you keep your mind off your ex but it will also help you to see that others struggle with serious issues also. It’s a great way to appreciate all the gifts that you do have.
Jot down everything about your ex that bothered or irritated you. This may seem counterproductive when you are intent on getting him back but it’s a great way to avoid him during the all important no contact period. If you can glance at a list of his less appealing traits you’re going to feel much less inclined to reach out to him. So whenever the urge to call or text him pops up, look at the list and you’ll realize that he’s not as perfect as you imagine him to be.
Remove his contact information from your phone. This may seem like a useless step but it’s actually more about blocking him from your life for a period of time than it is about actually forgetting his phone number. You probably have your ex boyfriend’s number memorized and therefore simply deleting the number from your phone seems silly. But it will help you to maintain no contact because you won’t see him name each and every time you scroll through your address book looking for a number.
Ensuring that you don’t contact your ex is essential when it comes to getting him back. By using a few of these tips you’ll find that the process is much easier and by the time you feel a strong desire to call him again, he’ll likely already be trying to reach you.
Never forget that the way to a man’s heart is through his mind. Unless your ex boyfriend has the opportunity to miss you, he won’t understand how much he truly needs you in his life. Give him the chance to wish you were his again. If you can do that, getting him back becomes that much simpler.
By now you’ve heard at least a few people suggesting that ignoring your ex boyfriend is the way to get him back. You know that it’s hard, right? How can you possibly just stop trying to get him to come back to you? You’re really worried that if you ignore him, he’s going to take that as a sign that you’re not interested at all and he’ll go out looking for someone else to get close to. It makes sense, doesn’t it? It does but the truth is that male brains aren’t wired the same way that ours are. Men don’t view someone ignoring them as the kiss of death. They actually become more intrigued if their ex girlfriend suddenly seems completely disinterested in them. That’s why you’re going to find it very effective if you can muster up the strength to block your ex boyfriend out of your thoughts for at least a couple of weeks.
The Male Psychology That Will Win Him Back
Men cannot stand rejection. It’s simply a fact of life. Consider any man you’ve ever known in your life be it your ex boyfriend, your brother, a friend or even your father. If they are shut out of something they truly want, they generally won’t take “no” for an answer. They’ll fight and claw their way back into the running. That stands true if it’s a job they want, if there’s a house they’re longing to buy or if there’s a woman they love. A man doesn’t want to feel as though he’s not good enough and if you suddenly ignore him, that’s exactly the emotion that it’s going to produce in your ex boyfriend. He’ll start to wonder why you don’t want anything to do with him anymore and he’ll work hard at getting your attention back.
You can do a simple trial run of this if you’re still a non-believer.(Don’t feel badly for that –I was exactly the same way when my boyfriend left me. I couldn’t imagine that ignoring him would be good in any way.) Stop trying to call your ex boyfriend beginning this minute. Don’t ring him up again for at least the next day or two. Chances are very good that you’re going to receive at least one text message or call from him asking how you are.
It’s important that you act as though you’re over him and the easiest way to do that is to ignore him. His male pride is going to take over and he’s going to see your behavior as a sign of personal rejection. Panic will set in and he’ll instinctively set out to win you back.
Don’t Announce That You’re Going to Ignore Him
It may feel very tempting to tell your ex boyfriend that you’ll be ignoring him just so you can see his reaction, but avoid doing this. If you tell him that you’re not going to pay him any attention anymore, you’re actually defeating the entire purpose of doing this.
The moment you confide in him that you’re done with him, he’ll see it as a rouse or a game. You can’t allow that to happen. You have to simply slowly stop answering his text messages and calls. You can’t initiate any contact anymore and if he happens to run into you on the street or at your favorite coffee shop, just tell him that you’ve been especially busy and you don’t have time to chat.
You must make it appear as though you’re naturally investing in your own life again. If he thinks that you’re willfully ignoring him, he’s going to become angry with you and treat you in exactly the same way.
Make a promise to yourself that you’re going to remove yourself from his life for a set number of weeks, and then follow through. You have to view this as a process and part of the path to get him back again. Keep quiet about your intentions. It’s vital that you don’t confide in any mutual friends or they’ll tell him and your plan won’t work.
Win Your Boyfriend Back By Investing in Yourself Again
While you’re ignoring your ex boyfriend you need to do something to keep yourself busy and occupied. The best thing you can possibly do is pay more attention to yourself. If you’ve been mourning the loss of the relationship you probably haven’t taken the time to take care of yourself. This is detrimental in so many ways and you need to address it before your physical or emotional health suffers.
Your ex isn’t going to want you back if you’re a mess so it’s time to take care of you. This may involve taking a short vacation with a friend – think of it as a girl’s weekend away or perhaps you can focus on a venue closer to home and spend the day at a spa being pampered and cared for.
Another great way to help you see the value in you again is to clear out the past. A great way to do this is to pack up all the clothing items you haven’t used in over a year and donate them to charity or drop them off at a consignment shop. Visiting the salon to get a new haircut and color can also chase away the blues and give you a new and fierce outlook on life.
Improve yourself in every way you know how and your ex boyfriend is bound to take a second glance when you two do reconnect in the future. You want to show him that you’re better when you’re not with him. When he senses that he’s going to do everything in his power to prove you wrong by convincing you to take him back.
Important – You have one chance to get him back. If you don’t take the right steps in the days and weeks following the break up, you will lose the man you love forever. It’s truly that simple. You have to have a grasp on the male psychology that is at work in your ex boyfriend’s mind and you have to understand exactly what to do and say to get him to want you back. If you do anything wrong, you risk losing him to another woman for good. Don’t make that mistake. Watch this video now.